a love letter.

March 04, 2017

a love letter.

I’ve been reading Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist (with a forward by my girl Brene Brown) and she wrote something I’ve been struck with this past week. She talks about how busy she is and all the activities she does to keep herself from feeling that ache in her heart. That ache that’s really asking, “Am I loved? Does someone see me? Do I matter? Am I safe?”

My worth over the years has been tied to many things: my grades, my clothes, my straight teeth, my skin, my thinness, my long hair, my children, my marriage, my failed marriage, my house, my car, my zipcode, my travel log, my list of friends, my siblings and my career. I wasn’t raised to believe that who I was, without any of the bells and whistles, was enough. I was raised, just as my parents were, to prove my worth.
I've realized my heart still aches when I ask myself these questions so I’ve decided to fly back to Arizona this week and spend four days with my therapists again. Every year it doesn’t make sense. It’s the absolute wrong timing to go for work, financially it doesn’t make sense…but every year I get a little healthier and see things a little more clearer and I have a little more space in my heart for love and compassion and I come back a more whole version of myself.
So this is my love letter to you– to be vulnerable and to let you know who I am and where I am.
This week before Valentine’s, I hope you can spend your time being kind and gentle and loving to yourself and to write down your strengths and what you love the most about yourself and I promise to do the same.
I believe if there is anything we can do for our children, it is to first start with being able to love ourselves. 

Happy Valentine's. I love you. 

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